Reading Text-- Basic Level |
| 1. Two gas company servicemen, a training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter.
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| 2. A one-dollar bill met a twenty-dollar bill and said, "Hey, where have you been? I haven't seen you around here much." The twenty answered, "I've been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship, back to the United States for
a while, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, The one dollar bill said, "You know, same old stuff - church, church, church."
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| 3. Two elderly women were out driving in a large car -- both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again... and again they went right though. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red, and they went right through. She turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!" Mildred turned to her and said "Oh, am I driving?"
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| 4. A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he opened the door, a truck came along, and completely tore off the driver¡¦s door! The attorney immediately grabbed his cell phone, hit speed dial for 911, and had a policeman there in 3 minutes. Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. He had just picked up the Lexus the day before, and now it would never be the same, no matter how good a job the body shop does. After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disgust and disbelief. ¡§I can¡¦t believe how materialistic you lawyers are,¡¨ he said. ¡§ You are so focused on your possessions that you don¡¦t notice anything else.¡¨ ¡§How can you say such a thing?¡¨ he responded indignantly. The cop replied, ¡§You didn¡¦t even notice that your left arm is missing from the elbow down! It must have been torn off when the truck hit you.¡¨ ¡§OH, NO!¡¨ screamed the lawyer in shock. ¡§Where is my Rolex?!¡¨
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| 5. After a spring break, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent the holidays. One child wrote the following: "We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live here in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Arizona. Now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people. They live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on big tricycles and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore. "They go to a building called a wrecked center, but they must have got it fixed, because it is all right now. They play games and do exercises there, but they don't do them very well. There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with their hats on. I guess they don't know how to swim. "At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out. Then they go cruising in their golf carts. "My Grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And they eat the same thing every night - Early Birds. Some of the people can't get past the man in the doll house to go out. So the ones who do get out bring food back to the wrecked center and call it pot luck. "My Grandma says Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded some day too. When I earn my retardment I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out so they can visit their grandchildren."
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| 6. There were two young brothers, 8 and 10 years old, who were exceedingly mischievous. Whatever went wrong in the neighborhood, it turned out they had a hand in it. Their parents were at their wits' end trying to control them. Hearing about a pastor nearby who worked with delinquent boys, the mother suggested to her husband that she would ask the pastor to talk with the boys and he agreed. The mother went to the pastor and made her request. He agreed, but said he wanted to see the younger boy first and alone. So the mother sent the younger boy to the pastor. The pastor sat the boy down across his HUGE, impressive desk. For about five minutes they just sat and stared at each other. Finally, the pastor pointed his forefinger at the boy and asked, "Young man, where is God?" The boy looked under the desk, in the corners of the room, all around, then said nothing. Again, louder, the pastor pointed at the boy and asked, "Where is God?" Again, the boy looked all around but said nothing. A third time, in a louder, firmer voice, the pastor leaned far across the desk and put his forefinger almost to the boy's nose, and asked, "Young man, I ask you, where is God?" The boy panicked and ran all the way home. Finding his older brother, he dragged him upstairs to their room and into the closet, where they usually plotted their mischief. He finally said, "We're in Bi-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-g trouble." The older boy asked, "What do you mean, 'BIG trouble?'" His brother replied, "I'm telling' ya', we're in BIG trouble. God is missing and they think we did it !!!"
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